~ And Lord sometimes I get tired and I get weak.  And Lord sometimes I get so sad I can't speak. And Goddess sometimes I be asking what it's all for? Goddess sometimes I feel I can't take no more.  And Jah sometimes seems this world has lost it's mind. Jah sometimes people can be so unkind.  Everything feels so tainted and changed that all I can do not to go insane is be one with your ivory moon and indigo sky.  Bathe me in your moonlight and heal me with your precious light ~ Rhian Ayanna

Yesterday I cried.  Yes, that is the title of a book but I really had myself a good cry.

Then I got mad as all get out for crying.  Why, oh why do things affect me so?  Why was I made this way is a question I really pondered.

Now if you haven't cried in 2009 because of the recession and issues that came with it, congratulations.  This year has been something.  The highs and lows have been hard to keep up with but yesterday's serious drops of saline had not one thing to do with the current financial situation of the world.

Are people serious?  It is one thing to know that the world has it's evil but to see it up close and personal....man! *sigh*

The person I am feels things so deeply that sleep escapes me and I feelphysically sick by things that don't affect the majority.  My hearthurts so badly that I can't stand it.

All these feelings that are a part and parcel of the woman I am hit meas I got off my exit after 400 miles of open road and I couldn't catch my breath for an hour.  I appreciate that Ifeel so safe at home where I can just be ME.  My poor husband.....he never knows who to call at these times.  He just holds me and I thank the Creator for him.

Tell me, what does one gain from saying, "Oh you're so big but I am still smaller than you."  And by smaller they mean like 2 pounds.  Like for real, my response will always be, "CONGRATULATIONS!"

Weight issues aside, I recently witnessed so much evil that it was hard to swallow.  It is one thing to have something to be evil about but to just be ssooooooooo negative and want to bring people down hurts my spirit.

It is even more clear to me that I am cut from a different cloth.  I love LOVE and relationships but I just can't do the drama thing.  I knew at 19, at 29, and I'll know at 39, 49 and 59 that I am not "that chick" that will fight over a man.  If you love seeing two females call each other names, do things to you to prove to you that they are better and all that nonsense then I am not your girl.  I don't have the energy.  And all this recycled love going on? No Ma'am, I just can't.  There are way too many people in the world for a group of people to just keep "doing" each other.  People die from cancer, car accidents and things way more serious than spreading their legs and getting some jabs in so Miss Mwabi will pass.

People are people but Lawd they can be so exhausting.

Words always bring me peace and something Ellen said in this month's O Magazine said everything I just attempted to articulate:

"I am saddened by how people treat one another and how we are so shut off from one another and how we judge one another, when the truth is, we are all one connected thing.  We are all from the same exact molecules."

I wish you all nothing but peace.